But its not just about numbers, is it?
Does it feel right?
Will you feel ok about it in the future?
Or will you always wonder what might have been?
Will you always feel sad that your kiddo is not related to both you and your partner?
Will you, if you're the only one who isn't genetically related to your child, feel like the odd man out?
These are important questions to consider, very carefully, before proceeding.
And the truth is, using donors is not for everyone.
Some people feel a lot more comfortable adopting. It makes them feel like they are on a level playing field with their partners. They may also feel like adoption is much easier to explain to the child and everyone else than donor conception.
And others decide not to have kids (or any more kids)
The really important thing is to take your time and talk to people
who've adopted or used donor procedures before deciding.
If you feel very strongly that you would never want to tell anyone about using a donor (including your kid)then that's an indication that you don't really feel comfortable with it
and you are probably not ready to proceed.
On the other hand, if you're at least 80% certain that you will be all right with using a donor, then that's probably good enough. As one woman said they other day "I'm willing to take a leap of faith that this is going to be all right for everyone and that we'll all be happy that I did."
I'm a former infertility patient, psychotherapist and author of Unspeakable Losses (WW Norton and HarperCollins).
BOOKS for DONOR KIDS was founded by Kim Kluger-Bell
She is a psychotherapist specializing in reproductive issues. A former infertility patient she is devoted to helping others resolve their struggles and build happy families!
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