Books for Donor Kids
  • Telling Made Easy
  • Our Books
    • Store
    • Special Orders
  • Tips on Talking
    • The First Talk
    • Older Kids
  • Our Services
  • Ask The Counselor
  • Resources
    • Resources for Single Moms by Choice
    • LGBTQ Resources
  • About us & Contact
Kim Kluger-Bell, MA, LMFT has been working as a consultant, advisor and counselor for thousands of fertility patients over the past three decades and she loves her work.
 She has been on staff at several leading fertility clinics and is very familiar with the latest treatment options and the profound psychological impact of infertility struggles. As a former infertility patient herself, it is incredibly rewarding  for her to help others on this very hard road.
Picture

Heartbroken


Dear Kim,
I have had 3 miscarriages in the past year and my doctor is recommending I consider using a gestational carrier. Apart from the cost, it makes me very uncomfortable trusting another woman to carry my baby. It also makes me feel like a failure as a woman that I can’t do this basic thing.
 
I could keep trying on my own but the doctor thinks its highly unlikely I’ll ever be able to carry a baby to term. This just breaks my heart because I’ve always looked forward to being pregnant.

I don’t know what to do. Should I try again or should we move on looking into surrogacy? I don’t know if I can handle another miscarriage. But I also don’t know if we can even afford surrogacy.

Heartbroken
Picture

Kim


Dear Heartbroken,
I’m so sorry to hear about your losses and your struggles. It is very traumatic to have so many losses in a short period of time.
The decision you are facing is a hard one and I encourage you to take your time in deciding what to do next.
 
I don’t know how long ago your last miscarriage was but I think it’s really important to let yourself heal—both physically and emotionally—before doing anything else.
 
You’re right: hiring a gestational carrier (or surrogate) through an agency is very expensive. This is mainly because the agencies do all the recruiting and pre-screening of the surrogates, manage communications with the fertility clinics, negotiate compensation for the surrogate and manage payments to her, and they also provide emotional support for both the surrogate and you (the Intended Parent) throughout the pregnancy. And trying to locate a surrogate on the internet yourself can be difficult and risky.
 
Some people are lucky enough to have relatives or friends offer to serve as surrogates and that can cut down on the expense significantly.
 
But adjusting to the idea of having another woman carry your baby is a whole other issue. Most women have to grieve the
loss of giving up the pregnancy before they can come to this decision.
 
With regard to question about whether you should try for another pregnancy on your own, and your comment that you are not sure you could handle another loss, I think its important to pay close attention to your feelings about this and not force yourself to try again just because you think you “ought” to. Everyone has a different limit to how much loss they can take. If, after giving yourself adequate time to heal, you start to feel like its worth the risk to try again, then fine. Do it. If, on the other hand, all you can feel is dread about the idea of another try, then pay attention to that.
 
I wish you all the best in recovering and moving forward in your journey. As I always say: this difficult time will not last forever and one way or another you will have the children you want.

 
Warmly,
Kim
Learn About Kim

ASK YOUR OWN QUESTION

I'm looking forward to receiving your questions and providing whatever help is needed.
Please click on the link below to send me your question(s).
Contact Kim

About

BOOKS for DONOR KIDS was founded by Kim Kluger-Bell
in 2008.
She is a psychotherapist specializing in reproductive issues. A former infertility patient she is devoted to helping others resolve their struggles and build happy families!

Learn More

Books

Picture

Get In Touch

303 517 3702
kklugerbell@gmail.com
www.KimKlugerbellLmft.com.

Submit A Form

Copyright © 2018 Books for Donor Kids
Website by Weebly Expert
Website by Weebly Expert
  • Telling Made Easy
  • Our Books
    • Store
    • Special Orders
  • Tips on Talking
    • The First Talk
    • Older Kids
  • Our Services
  • Ask The Counselor
  • Resources
    • Resources for Single Moms by Choice
    • LGBTQ Resources
  • About us & Contact