How to Choose the "Perfect" Donor

Unrealistic Expectations?

Every day I talk to prospective parents who want a tall, blonde, athletic Rhodes scholar type donor, even if the mother is none of the above.

And I tell them:

1. Good luck finding this donor (and if you do find her at an agency be prepared to pay top dollar)
2. Is this really what you want? (Your child may end up looking very unlike other family members).
3. There are no guarantees. (The transmission of physical characteristics is capricious. You certainly can't predict exactly what your own genetically related child will look like or how smart they will be).
4. How will the kid feel if he/she is unable to live up to these expectations?

A Better Option

A better approach is to go for similar body type/hair and eye color; to read the profiles of lots of donors with an open mind; and choose someone you feel some rapport with. You want to feel good about your donor--your attitude towards her will be conveyed to your child.

And don't forget, most scientists agree that personality is formed equally by nature and nurture and you are going to have a profound influence on who your kid grows up to be from day one.