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How to Choose the "Perfect" Donor

3/4/2015 1 Comment
 
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Unrealistic Expectations?

Every day I talk to prospective parents who want a tall, blonde, athletic Rhodes scholar type donor, even if the mother is none of the above.

And I tell them:
  1. Good luck finding this donor (and if you do find her at an agency be prepared to pay top dollar)
  2. Is this really what you want? (Your child may end up looking very unlike other family members).
  3. There are no guarantees. (The transmission of physical characteristics is capricious. You certainly can't predict exactly what your own genetically related child will look like or how smart they will be).
  4. How will the kid feel if he/she is unable to live up to these expectations?

A Better Option

A better approach is to go for similar body type/hair and eye color; to read the profiles of lots of donors with an open mind; and choose someone you feel some rapport with. You want to feel good about your donor--your attitude towards her will be conveyed to your child.

And don't forget, most scientists agree that personality is formed equally by nature and nurture and you are going to have a profound influence on who your kid grows up to be from day one. 
1 Comment
academized.com link
8/7/2020 08:32:58 pm

It is hard to choose the perfect donor, but it is what it is. I believe that there is still a lot that I can do. I mean, this is not where it stops. I will continue to look for other donors. I cannot give up, I want to live and I want to keep on enjoying this life that was given to me. If I cannot do that, then I have no idea what I want to do, dude.

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    About Me

    I'm a former infertility patient, psychotherapist and  author of Unspeakable Losses (WW Norton and HarperCollins).

    I 've been working in the field of reproductive medicine for over 20 years both on staff at large fertility clinics and in private practice.I still find everything about this field fascinating and compelling.

     Personally familiar with the emotional rollercoaster of infertility and I find it thrilling to see that miraculous transition from despair to joy that happens when the struggle is finally resolved!

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BOOKS for DONOR KIDS was founded by Kim Kluger-Bell
in 2008.
She is a psychotherapist specializing in reproductive issues. A former infertility patient she is devoted to helping others resolve their struggles and build happy families!

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  • Telling Made Easy
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    • Older Kids
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  • Ask The Counselor
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    • Resources for Single Moms by Choice
    • LGBTQ Resources
  • About us & Contact